So rude!

Here I introduce myself, and in my very next post (on the same bloody day, no less), I am kissing you off, and STILL! harboring fantasies of how I will lure you back in time with sweet nothings and sultry looks. Ha! right. Of all the things The Internet should know about me, this is number 3: I am physically challenged when it comes to giving sexy looks. Usually, I end up looking like a uncomfortable insect. So seductive.

Where, you ask, did I learn my manners?? (here's a hint: it rhymes with "melevision")

The truth is, I'm off for a bit. (off on VACATION, thank you very much.)

'Tis the season and all that, and I'm headed up to a quaint town in that state that looks like a part of your body. And no, I don't live in Florida. Cut it out.

Sadly, Mr. Bump will be working, working, working, and then heading to a different state to spend the holidays with a family that is not mine. Why, you ask (seriously, if we're talking about manners here, what's with asking all the questions all the time? Gosh!)? The short answer is because he is a retardapotamus. Now I'm no expert, but as I understand it, humans have previously contrived mechanisms which allow two people to spend holidays in a state of proximity to one and other, while honoring the demands of their respective families. I believe that these contrivances generally involve a token of affection and committment, some sort of legal gobblety-gook, and a ceremony of some sort (I believe that costumes are appropriate here, yes?). However, the execution of this process is still in an awkward adolescence, and so Mr. Bump and I are off in separate directions yet again.

Upon my return to the Magical Land of Wi-Fi, I will do my very best to cajole and entice you with stories of thumb twiddledge from the Little House in the Suburbs. You might even get a sultry look, but please, put. down. the. swatter.